My desire to change
by Winged Lady Colette
Summary: A war is to be fought but it's not as simple as just fighting it. I know this oh too well as I fight against demons... that shouldn't have even been here in the first place...
1. Leader

**My desire for change**

**_Alright, this is something new I wanted to try, please let me know what you think!! I'm not sure on the pairring yet but I'll think of somehting. Let me know!! Enjoy!_**

* * *

Walking through the halls of the Uchiha household borough me ease. Sasuke was out by the practising his Fire Style jutsu. I'm glad he's starting to get it. I'm also glad father was willing to teach it to him. Both stand out on the docks. Sasuke does it again, the flame is weak, but much inproved then the last time. Father steps closer and says something to him, then performs the jutstu himself. Sasuke jumps up and down and tries again when father moves back.

"Feeling lonely?" says a voice next to me. I look over to see mother. She is staring at father and Sasuke just as I was.

I shake my head. "No, I'm just curiously watching."

Mother shakes her head slowly. "You grandfather once said something to me that I think you should hear, ok?"

I shrug and wait for her to continue. She turns fully to me.

"I was nervous... I questioned whether I could marry your father or not..." she admits. "I was worried about our age difference. I told your grandfather about my worries, he told me something I will never forget, something I live by, even now. He said, 'We are ninja, we will never known when we will die or when the one we love will die, either. Always remember this, my child, if your life is going to flash before your eyes, make sure it is a life worth watching.' And to this day, I listen to those words and live by them, so I married your father and it was the best thing I could have done."

I stare at her shocked. "You questioned whether to marry father or not?" I quickly hold down the curiosity from my face.

Mom smiles. "Yes, but I'm glad I married him. I was able to get a man that loves me a lot and treats me well, and two wonderful sons that I am extreamly proud of."

I lower my gaze. "Father hates me for what I've done."

Mom shakes her head. "He didn't mean what he said. He really thought what he was doing was going to benifet Kohona, you woke him up and he... just isn't used to something like that. You opened his eyes with your passion for the village."

I know she was trying to make me feel better, but, I couldn't feel it. Donzo ordered me to kill the clan and I nearly did... but something in my heart told me not too. So I didn't. I dueled my father and won. Now, the clan was mine. I was in recovery for almost 2 months. I felt bad that it had to be like that. But, before all of the clan leaders, the Hokage, the elders and the clan, I challenged my father and fought him. I won, got control of the clan and now he hates me.

"I never fully agreed..." mother says softly, like she could read my mind. "But your father was so sure. I tried to talk him out of it, but, eventually, I caved as well."

I don't know what to say. So I just walk away, back to my room.

______

* * *

_"Why should we listen, Lord Hokage?" Father says coldly. The ANBU around the Hokage tense up, ready for the full wrath of all the Uchiha in this room. Donzo looks me in the eye. I turn my head away, unable to look at his accusing eyes._

_The other clan members are tense too, waiting for an order. Ready to die for the Clan. I spot the Hyuuga heiress look at me. I look her in the eye. She lowers her head slightly, blushing. She is far too young to be here, yet her father insisted. She was as old as Sasuke. Only 8._

_I offer her a little smile. "Thses meetings can get boring, huh?" She looks at me, surprised._

_"O-Oh. Y-y-yes, I uh, yes." she whispers. _

_"Please, Fugaku, we can discuss your displeasure," the Hokage insists kindly. Hana looks over at me with her dog like eyes. Minamaru gives me a look and I almost glared at them, but stopped myself. Pissing Hana off would help nothing._

_"Father, maybe we should listen to what Lord Hokage has to say," I say peacefully. All Uchiha eyes fall on me. All of them, displeased._

_Lord Hokage gives me a small smile and the ANBU relax a little, pleased I want to settle this peacefully._

_"What?" Father says coldly. "Itachi, you will not speak for the remainder of our time here." _

_I open my mouth about to protest but his glare silences me. The ANBU tense back up again. I failed them, Lord Hokage, I failed you as well. I cannot stand up to them._

_Tsume narrows her eyes at me, then my father. "Why _so harsh_, Fugaku Uchiha." she growls. Kuromaru reveals his fangs, with a pet on the head by Tsume does he settle down._

_Father looks at her through slitted eyes. "We are being treated as fools, Inuzuka Tsume."_

_She turns her head slightly. "How so?"_

_"Kohona is not allowing us our true power that we so rightfully deserve." Father says evenly._

_Tsume raises an eyebrow. "Curious, indeed. Hiashi, what is your thoughts on this?"_

_The head of the Hyuuga clan watches everyone evenly. "We seem to be at a cross road. The clans came together a long time ago to avoid the outside world where we were so unrigteously treated. Yes, more power could be given to the clans, but that would make this not the Leaf village, am I correct or not?"_

_Shibi Aburame shacks his head. "No, you are correct, Hiashi."_

_Chouza Akimichi shares a look with Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka before speaking, "We have lived like this for so long, Fugaku, why the sudden desire to give so much power to the clans?"_

_Father smiles evenly. "Because, Chouza, the system is just to keep us clans in order so we do not ge what we rightfully deserve."_

_"You keep saying that," Inoichi says. "What is it that we so rightfully deserve?"_

_"Power." father says simply. There are mummers among the clan leaders. My heart pounds loudly in my chest. No, no, this can't be happening, it just can't._

_"But," Shikaku says slowly, leaning foreword to lace his fingers together. "correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that not all clans will be withheld the same amount of power. Like it would be broken up from strongest to weakest."_

_Shibi shackes his head. "Now, where is the fairness in that?"_

_"Most other clans have numbers," Inoichi agrees. "but what of the smaller clans? Like the Yamanaka's? Or the Inuzuka? Some clans only consist of 2 or 3 people."_

_Kuromaru growls, "Who is to say that the larger clans wont take power from the smaller, huh?!"_

_Minamaru shackes his mane. "Agreed! Must we fight for this power? Is that how the Uchiha wish to decide who gets what and how much of it?!"_

_"Perposterous!" Hana snarls. "This is an outrage!"_

_"Enough power will be contributed between all clans." father says slowly._

_"_Enough _power? What is that? A local cafe down the street?" Hiashi bellows, white eyes narrowed._

_The Hokage, Elders and ANBU look uneased. The ANBU look ready to jump in to protect and attack at a moments notice._

_"Why must it change...?" a soft voice says. Even through the yelling, was it heard. Everyone in the room was silent. I look to the Hyuuga Heiress. Her lavander eyes wide as if confused on why she had even spoken at all._

_"Please," The Hokage wheezes, looking so old and tired. "speak your mind, young one."_

_Hinata sinks into her seat, trying to disappear it seems. I didn't notice it until I stood up, that I was talking. "That is right. It has always worked well when we have selected a Hokage. Therefore, I firmly believe that we should not change the ways that is as old as our founding fathers."_

_I feel fathers eyes burning into me. I suddenly wished I hadn't spoken at all. _

_"True, true," Donzo says slowly, watching me. "why should it be changes for one clans desires?"_

_Father looks about to freak out and go on a massacre. I quickly turned to him, before he could do something that would later be regretted by everyone in this room and our entire clan. "Father, I wish there a duel."_

_All eyes on the room barrel through me. I show no fear. At least I hope so, I'm to preoccupied to check._

_Father looks bewildered. "What did you say?" he whispers eyes wide._

_I look him in the eye to prove I am serious. "I do not want there to be a war..." I say slowly, everyone in the room tenses up. "...so I will fight you father. If I lose, I will never question your motives and will do all that you order me to without a word." I say slowly._

_The ANBU tense more. I'm a bad opponent to go against. They know it. But my father is good. Possibly a lot better then I am. I sure as hell hope not. But they need to be ready if I must suddenly turn on them. I don't blame them, I blame the Uchiha elders for making my father think this way. I hate them and will make them pay._

_One way or another..._

* * *

When I fought my father that day... when our blades clashed for the final time that would decide who was to win the fight, I noticed something of my father that I did not know and even now, can't beleive...

My father didn't want to fight me, just like I didn't want to fight him...


	2. Cruelty

****

My Desire to Change

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. This is the third night in a row that I am unable to fall asleep. Every time I do I dream of what I almost did- what I was ordered to do. I was killing the clan and making Sasuke watch using some sort of genjutsu. Every time I think about it my entire body runs cold and I feel like I'm sinking with a block of lead on my chest. Like if I take too light of breath the entire world will shatter around me and this terrible reality will be the one I am forced to live with.

I watch myself torture my brother and myself by killing the people that I love. Why am I forced to live this every time I try to dream? Is there some sort of connection? If it is... but... I don't understand. What is so significant about this dream? Other than the fact that I am killing off my entire clan but my little brother whom I torture in a cruel way. What is going on? Why am I having such a bizarre dream? Could this have anything to do with the feud between my father and the Leaf Village?

"Are you afraid?" a voice says lightly, floating through the room. I sit up and look around the room, perplexed. My ninja instincts kicking in. I silently curse myself for letting my guard down.

"Who's there?" I call softly, eyes going to all the dark corners and spaces in the room, looking for any indication of who this person is and where they are at the present time. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, I can tell in an instant that I am going into a battle high. The thrill the hunt brings to a ninja is enough to sent them into a rage that allows them to be almost unpredictable. I hate this feeling, I hate feeling like I could hurt anyone at any moment.

There is a low chuckle. "Always the pacifist, eh Itachi?" the deep voice says slowly. What? Can he read my mind? No, no one can do that- there is no way. No one can do that-it's all in my head. Yes, in my head... which he just read... NO! I force my heart beat to slow down. I will not lose control. I will not show this random somebody that I am afraid of them. That's not how it's going to work.

The voice is behind me now. "Your heart is slowing down. That's a good trick to have. But you can't fool me with that, though. I can see the fear in your stance... in your eyes and in your blood." Suddenly a slice goes across my cheek. I don't move-don't flinch. It didn't hurt all that much. I've been hurt much worse. I can handle it.

Who is this? How did they get into the house without anyone noticing?

Maybe it's one of the family members seeking revenge for-

Woah! No time conspiracy theories! I'm in danger and I'm in here thinking about blaming the family for this? What the hell is wrong with me? Didn't I fight my dad to become clan leader so the accusations could stop? Good job so far Itachi!

I force the thought to the back of my mind.

"Who are you?" I ask, keeping my voice calm and even.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" the voice whispers. "But not now, I want to watch you and see what you do after our encounter. Until we meet again, my lovely Itachi."

When I was sure he was gone, I searched the entire house, twice, then the entire Uchiha owned property, thrice, before going back to the house and standing guard till mother was up and making breakfast. I am tired and figity but I try to calm my shot nerves as I go in to breakfast as Sasuke and father sit down.

I haven't even thought of taking my father's place at the head of the table- as it would be natural since I _am _the leader of the clan but I can't picture myself sitting there. It isn't right. As far as I'm concerned. I lead the clan- dad leads the house therefore the head of the table is his. He was surprised when- we both finally could be in the same room as the other- that I sat in my usual space instead of in his but he didn't seem to mind when I didn't question him about taking it. In fact he seemed happy that wasn't going to change-at least any time soon.

For the longest time, our table is quiet. No one wants to be the one to break the silence.

Finally, Sasuke's wide innocent eyes turn toward me. "Nii-san, what happened to your face?"

This seems to break mother and father from whatever trance they were in. "Oh Itachi!" mom gasps, getting up and wetting a towel to press against my cheek. "Where in the world did you get this? You haven't been on a mission lately." she stops. "Have you?"

I took it upon myself to leave the house without telling mother or father. They usually notice that I'm gone right away but still I am reluctant to tell them that I am leaving or where I am going. Mostly, I go on missions for the Hokage or goof off with Shisui and don't feel like telling my father. I wouldn't mind telling my mother because I know she wouldn't give me crap but my father would go to her first with his questions and I know eventually she would tell him and that would ended up being a problem for me. Dad would have been more mad to hear from mom about my were abouts then me not even telling him so I pick the lesser of two evils.

I shake my head. "No mom. I've been staying home and denying all missions."

"And requests to hang out with his _best _friend in the whole world, Shisui." Says a voice in the doorway. I look over to see that once again my friend has let himself into the house without permission. My dad frowns at that but doesn't comment. He's chewed Shisui out about 10 times and still the concept has not penetrated. Best to let it drop then waste breath. Good plan. If Shisui don't want to listen, it will never get through.

"Sorry about that." I say to him and look away. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes... well no. I came here more out curiosity then necessity. I saw you snooping around at the crack of midnight. Something up? You came around like three times. It seemed like you were looking for something." Shisui says, leaning against the door frame dark eyes on me.

Dad looks over at me with a deeper then usual frown on his lips. "Well?"

I sigh and brush mother's kind gesture away. "Someone came to see me last night. I don't know who they were but they knew me and gave me this," I point to my wounded cheek, "as a parting gift. So I looked around grounds to see if I could find him but he left no trail."

Now Shisui is frowning while Mother is glaring at the floor. "Without a trace?" both mummer.

"Why didn't you come and get me?" dad asks, eyes narrowed.

I look into his eyes. Why _didn't _I go and get my father? He's older and a lot wiser then me. It would have been smart of me to go and get him so that his words of wisdom can light the path to blah blah blah... maybe I'm just being spiteful. I think the truth is, I can't tell my father that I can't do something on my own. I've never once asked for his help. Not once. Maybe it was my pride that kept me away or maybe it was because I was afraid that my father would frown down on me because I was no longer his perfect child.

I guess, in his eyes at least, I am no longer perfect because I stood up to him and basically kick him off of his throne. What kind of child forcefully overthrows his own father? What the _hell _is wrong with me? I guess only one good thing came from my father hating me. He now pays attention to Sasuke. If Sasuke is happy, then I can let my own loneliness go. Or bury it deep within my own self pity so I can't find it even if I looked.

"Itachi," my father drawls out in that way he does when he's upsetor loosing his patients. "Why didn't you come to tell me or your mother about this? Hell even Shisui or the elders? _Someone _who could have helped out?"

I was so close, I was close to telling my father that I was afraid to disappoint him so I force myself into my loneliness and release the cruelest thing I could come with on the spot to get out of this position- out of this whole that I dug myself into. "Because, dad, I don't trust you."

Then, I left.

I walked away. I never used to walk away. I always faced my problems. Not this time. I just can't. Not now. I didn't miss the look of surprise and hurt on my father's face as I left. That hurt even more. Somehow it felt like I kicked a puppy. Despicable. Dirty. Low. Unforgivable. Inhuman. Wrong.

So as soon as I shove my feet into my shoes- them barely being on- I leave the house and run all the way to the forest of death. After a quick chat with Anko, I go inside and kill off half the population of the forest, then I head to the 7th training group and practice my tijutsu.

I've been training for almost 12 hours, when Shisui finally reappears it has long since grown dark. "Itachi man, listen." I roundhouse kick a dummy into oblivion, not responding to my best friend. My body is numb but I know once I stop, I'm gonna fall flat. "Itachi," he waits. I burn a block of wood to ash. "Come on, talk to me. You've been training for hours." he tells me like I don't know. After I obliterate a dozen moving targets he sighs like he's dealing with a child.

He's 15.

I'm 13. Not that far off.

"Fine. We'll do it your way." Before I could even react I'm on my back with his foot on my chest and a kunai at my throat. The air rushes out of my body and I inhale deeply trying to get it back. Do you hate to get the wind knocked out of you? 'Cause I sure do.

I force myself to get mad. I shove Shisui's kunai away and push him off of me. "Get the hell off. What is your problem?"

"My problem?" Shisui laughs dryly. "There is nothing wrong with me. It's you. You would never have said that to your father. Nor would have you just walked away without fixing the problem. The question is, my short friend, what is _your _problem?"

**A/N: People seem kinda intrested in it so I guess I'd update to see if more people like it. It was just kinda an idea that poped into my head. The plot could probably spice up if I put my mind to it. I guess for now there will be a depressed Itachi. Thanks for reading, rate and rview. I wish you a good day.**


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